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The Sexiest Man on Earth

by Aaron Ackerson

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1.
There lives an embodiment of manliness too beautiful to describe This demigod walks among us. Believe it or not, it ain't no jive His good looks are the greatest thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread But just 'cause he's God's gift to women doesn't mean it's gone to his head The fellas are jealous 'cause the ladies he pleases Kicking rightious ass like a Kung-Fu Jesus He's the most appealing person to whom has ever been given birth Aaron Ackerson is the Sexiest Man on Earth His hot body is quite possibly the eighth wonder of the world That is, at least according to his long waiting list of girls He's got alluring, mysterious eyes and that bad-boy appeal When it comes to heart-throb idols, this stud is the real deal He's like a train to Pleasure City that's boarding on Track 3 Making good love like a walking sex factory He may not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but for what it's worth Aaron Ackerson is the Sexiest Man on Earth Bridge: I was trained by Shaolin monks in the deadly art of Sexy So check me out while some rhymes I flex See, It's like I'm droppin' bombs when my lyrics are flowin' Like Miss Mia Park, I get the Chics-A-Go-Goin' If being sexy was considered a crime I'd get life in prison without parol because I'm the Canadian pope. I don't do dope I once got busy with a soap on a rope The most appealing person to whom has ever been given birth Aaron Ackerson is the Sexiest Man on Earth (俺はAaron様) (絶倫パワーがあるのさ)
2.
They call me Spacecat, 'cause I'm rockin' your face, cat and you'll never detect a trace of my m4d l33t skIlLz or the Buffalo Bills playing drum fills automatically And if you challenge me, I'll fly into a Blind Canadian Rage and destroy ya like my name was Latoya Jackson of the militant faction When I get on the Mic, there's a chain reaction Chorus: This ain't no joke We're comin' baroque like an artichoke filled with Cherry Coke Hey bloke, you got alot of nerve, servin' me hors d'oeuvres e-mailing me from Compuserv The cycloid is a special curve and I like to eat strawberry preserves I'm like Sex on Wheels when I close the deal I got more rhymes than the Navy's got Seals All the girls squeal when they hear me rockin' with three independant lines interlockin' Chorus Bridge: When I say "frozen," you say "dinner" Frozen (dinner), frozen (dinner) When I say "Walter," you say "Skinner" Walter (Skinner), Walter (Skinner) When I say "out-," you say "rigger" Out-(rigger), out-(rigger) When I say "Chrono," you say "Trigger" Chrono (Trigger), Chrono (Trigger) Chorus (We Like to Rock) (Like J.S. Bach) (Straight Outta Iraq) (Like Mr. Spock)
3.
Come people and gather 'round, and hear what I have to say We've got to do whatever it takes to keep the Almighty at bay We'll seal off the border, we'll carry laser guns We're gonna protect our country, we're gonna have a lot of fun, we're gonna... Chorus: Keep God out of Canada Keep God out of Canada Keep God out of Canada Keep God out of Canada We captured a guy last week who we thought was God in disguise But it turned out to be my sister, playing tricks on our eyes Well you might say we look foolish, you might say we look insane But when you're trying to keep your nation secure, you're bound to make a few mistakes, you've gotta... Chorus Bridge: Keep God out of leap year, keep God out of trampolines Keep God out of TV diners, keep God out of DVD Keep God out of trilobites, keep God out of monster trucks Keep God out of sale prices, keep God out of Starbucks Chorus
4.
Contrary to what I'd like to believe I don't really wear my heart on my sleeve
5.
I was glad to be done unpacking I had just finished moving in But before I could relax I felt a chill go through my skin Before me appeared a spector translucent and wearing chains He said, "This is where I lived years ago and this is where I shall remain." When I bought this house, I was feelin' happy But now I'm hearing voices and it's really crappy I bought this place from a guy named Gary I wish he would have told me how it's really scary This House is Haunted and I want my money back I invited my girl over for a chicken dinner by candle light I prepared for it all day to make sure everything went right But when we sat down to eat and I was about to start romancin' the bird got up off the plate and started dancin' Then my girl ran off and I haven't seen her since I'm sick of this spirit's stupid tricks I wish I could make him go away but until I move, he is here to stay This House is Haunted and I want my money back Now I have trouble sleeping at night and my social life is dead not unlike the poltergeist who's been screwing with my head I blame it all on the guy who sold me this place After I paid him in cash he just laughed and drove away At the time, he seemed like a real nice guy His price was low and now I know why I liked the location. It was close to Starbucks Now I see dead people and it really sucks This House is Haunted and I want my money back This House is Haunted and I want my money back
6.
Not The End 02:43
According to you, we were always just friends but what about the time that we held hands? It was that one time back in November Bet you didn't think that I would remember Bet you didn't think that I would be able to see through your disguise I know how you really feel. Don't try to tell me otherwise The Jury will plainly see that the defendant has a poor grasp of the facts you should just go ahead and accept the truth Then both of us can relax Chorus: I'll beat you on a technicality I'll find a loophole that'll make you see what you really want, and that would be me This is not the end, you really wanna be my girlfriend And there was that time when I wanted to know if you'd like to go out and see a show In my question, I used the word, "date" Your reply was, "That would be great!" Your reply was an implied acknowledgement that our love was true You can't go back and change that there's nothing you can do Your defense is completely full of holes, your every argument will be trumped Now we can live our lives together happily Aren't you glad I got this all cleared up?
7.
Answers 04:08
!retsnom gnikcuf uoy ,retsnom uoY !em morf yawa teG !em raen og uoy t'noD !yawa teg uoY
8.
Melodrama 03:29
Thinkin' about the things I miss Never thought I'd see days like this Everything is cold to the touch Waitin' for an angel to be my crutch I can't bear to go with the flow My self esteem is at an all-time low Feelings are hurt and I'm to blame Now things can never be the same I had dreams and I had plans they fell apart right in my hands I went ahead but the door was locked Tried to go back, but the path was blocked This has gone on for far too long It'd be easier if I was strong What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't these demons just let me be? I want to be a good friend to you The harder I try, the worse I do
9.
Love Fix 07:34
You cannot stop yourself This is bad for your health The rush you feel in your head will make you come back again and again and again Every time you feel like you've arrived in a warm place where you can stay but you know you'll be colder than ever soon enough soon enough With summer on your thumb you're the one with the hot pencil lead Sick in bed, dead to the world You're like a squirrel whose phone is chilled to the bone I can't tell you what to do with yourself Sittin' on the shelf, staring at gloves is swell like a hot Love Fix Going to Hell in a bread basket your casket squeals with mass appeal Like an SAF, it is real All the while he was happy but blind Then his dreams were shattered by the "never mind" "never mind," "never mind" Someday, I'll leave it all behind Someday, I'll once again be open wide Someday, I won't mind these scars Someday, I'll know who you are Someday, we will get it right Someday, together we'll take flight We will take flight You and I will make each other complete These urges will no longer be obsolete
10.
Boss Battle 02:55
Banzai! Banzai! I'll blow your freakin' head off! Banzai! Banzai! I'll blow your freakin' head off! Banzai! Banzai! I'll blow your freakin' head off!
11.
I hoped it was the end of our pain I hoped I would see you again in The Material World In The Material World In The Material World
12.
She likes to wake up in the street Her favorite kind of chips is Honey Barbeque Mesquite You are the star of a TV show And every time you see her, you would like to be her, 'cause everybody knows that... Chorus: like DSL, she's a gift from above comin' straight down to you complete with Ten Pounds of Love I know that Everything Is Wrong But then it's alright every time she sings that song She fears the tolling of the bell 'cause a woodland sprite is gonna get uptight and send her straight to hell, 'cause... Chorus
13.
Change in your brain like a total eclipse Uri Michelle Gellar, tell her, white and totally sick Bend spines like spoons, like minds and shit What's mine is mine, rind, skin, and pit (Ben Stein likes spoons) (Rod Stewart hit) I'll beat you on a technicality I'll find a loophole that'll make you see what you really want, and that would be me This is not the end, you really wanna be my girlfriend Break you down You will get married now You must date Mr. Aaron Is nothing sacred? Hey, I'm fucking tired and it's raining Yeah, Welcome to the Jungle, baby We're gonna die You wanna do that song again? (Yeah) Good idea Aww... Yeah! Woo! Woo-hoo!
14.
Thinkin' about the things I miss Never thought I'd see days like this Everything is cold to the touch Waitin' for an angel to be my crutch I can't bear to go with the flow My self esteem is at an all-time low Feelings are hurt and I'm to blame Now things can never be the same I had dreams and I had plans they fell apart right in my hands I went ahead but the door was locked Tried to go back, but the path was blocked This has gone on for far too long It'd be easier if I was strong What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't these demons just let me be? I want to be a good friend to you The harder I try, the worse I do
15.

about

"One of 2004's most musical demented discs!"
- Dr. Demento

"Well-produced...Virtuosic...A cross between Beck and Frank Zappa."
- The Chicago Sun-Times

credits

released June 10, 2004

Words and music by Aaron Ackerson

All instruments and vocals performed by Aaron Ackerson except where otherwise noted.

Engineered, produced, and mixed by Aaron Ackerson except where otherwise noted. Mastered by Al Ursini at studiochicago.

Artwork: Ian Jones-Quartey

Graphic design and photography: Nami Ogata

In addition to those already credited, I would also like to thank the following people who helped to make this a reality:

My friends and family, the Music Department of Columbia College, Arcanis, Paul Simpson, James MacDonald, Emmy and her friends, Gary Yerkins, Gustavo Leone, Joe Cerqua, Sara King, Mark Yoshizumi, Nick Marinelli, and the One without Whom none of this would be possible, Satan.

All songs copyright Spacecat Music (ASCAP)

In loving memory of Charlie the cat (1984-2004)

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Aaron Ackerson Chicago, Illinois

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