The Sexiest Man on Earth

by Aaron Ackerson

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about

"One of 2004's most musical demented discs!"
- Dr. Demento

"Well-produced...Virtuosic...A cross between Beck and Frank Zappa."
- The Chicago Sun-Times

credits

released June 10, 2004

Words and music by Aaron Ackerson

All instruments and vocals performed by Aaron Ackerson except where otherwise noted.

Engineered, produced, and mixed by Aaron Ackerson except where otherwise noted. Mastered by Al Ursini at studiochicago.

Artwork: Ian Jones-Quartey

Graphic design and photography: Nami Ogata

In addition to those already credited, I would also like to thank the following people who helped to make this a reality:

My friends and family, the Music Department of Columbia College, Arcanis, Paul Simpson, James MacDonald, Emmy and her friends, Gary Yerkins, Gustavo Leone, Joe Cerqua, Sara King, Mark Yoshizumi, Nick Marinelli, and the One without Whom none of this would be possible, Satan.

All songs copyright Spacecat Music (ASCAP)

In loving memory of Charlie the cat (1984-2004)

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Track Name: Theme from The Sexiest Man on Earth
There lives an embodiment of manliness too beautiful to describe
This demigod walks among us. Believe it or not, it ain't no jive
His good looks are the greatest thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread
But just 'cause he's God's gift to women doesn't mean it's gone to his head

The fellas are jealous 'cause the ladies he pleases
Kicking rightious ass like a Kung-Fu Jesus
He's the most appealing person to whom has ever been given birth
Aaron Ackerson is the Sexiest Man on Earth

His hot body is quite possibly the eighth wonder of the world
That is, at least according to his long waiting list of girls
He's got alluring, mysterious eyes and that bad-boy appeal
When it comes to heart-throb idols, this stud is the real deal

He's like a train to Pleasure City that's boarding on Track 3
Making good love like a walking sex factory
He may not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but for what it's worth
Aaron Ackerson is the Sexiest Man on Earth


Bridge:
I was trained by Shaolin monks in the deadly art of Sexy
So check me out while some rhymes I flex
See, It's like I'm droppin' bombs when my lyrics are flowin'
Like Miss Mia Park, I get the Chics-A-Go-Goin'
If being sexy was considered a crime
I'd get life in prison without parol because
I'm the Canadian pope. I don't do dope
I once got busy with a soap on a rope


The most appealing person to whom has ever been given birth
Aaron Ackerson is the Sexiest Man on Earth
(俺はAaron様)
(絶倫パワーがあるのさ)
Track Name: The Artichoke Song
They call me Spacecat, 'cause I'm rockin' your face, cat
and you'll never detect a trace of my m4d l33t skIlLz
or the Buffalo Bills playing drum fills automatically

And if you challenge me, I'll fly into a Blind Canadian Rage
and destroy ya like my name was Latoya Jackson of the militant faction
When I get on the Mic, there's a chain reaction


Chorus:
This ain't no joke
We're comin' baroque
like an artichoke
filled with Cherry Coke


Hey bloke, you got alot of nerve, servin' me hors d'oeuvres
e-mailing me from Compuserv
The cycloid is a special curve and I like to eat strawberry preserves

I'm like Sex on Wheels when I close the deal
I got more rhymes than the Navy's got Seals
All the girls squeal when they hear me rockin' with three independant lines interlockin'


Chorus


Bridge:
When I say "frozen," you say "dinner"
Frozen (dinner), frozen (dinner)
When I say "Walter," you say "Skinner"
Walter (Skinner), Walter (Skinner)
When I say "out-," you say "rigger"
Out-(rigger), out-(rigger)
When I say "Chrono," you say "Trigger"
Chrono (Trigger), Chrono (Trigger)


Chorus
(We Like to Rock)
(Like J.S. Bach)
(Straight Outta Iraq)
(Like Mr. Spock)
Track Name: Keep God out of Canada
Come people and gather 'round, and hear what I have to say
We've got to do whatever it takes to keep the Almighty at bay
We'll seal off the border, we'll carry laser guns
We're gonna protect our country, we're gonna have a lot of fun, we're gonna...


Chorus:
Keep God out of Canada
Keep God out of Canada
Keep God out of Canada
Keep God out of Canada


We captured a guy last week who we thought was God in disguise
But it turned out to be my sister, playing tricks on our eyes
Well you might say we look foolish, you might say we look insane
But when you're trying to keep your nation secure, you're bound to make a few mistakes, you've gotta...


Chorus


Bridge:
Keep God out of leap year, keep God out of trampolines
Keep God out of TV diners, keep God out of DVD
Keep God out of trilobites, keep God out of monster trucks
Keep God out of sale prices, keep God out of Starbucks


Chorus
Track Name: Allusion to an Illusion of an Allusion
Contrary to what I'd like to believe
I don't really wear my heart on my sleeve
Track Name: This House is Haunted
I was glad to be done unpacking
I had just finished moving in
But before I could relax
I felt a chill go through my skin
Before me appeared a spector
translucent and wearing chains
He said, "This is where I lived years ago
and this is where I shall remain."

When I bought this house, I was feelin' happy
But now I'm hearing voices and it's really crappy
I bought this place from a guy named Gary
I wish he would have told me how it's really scary
This House is Haunted and I want my money back

I invited my girl over
for a chicken dinner by candle light
I prepared for it all day
to make sure everything went right
But when we sat down to eat
and I was about to start romancin'
the bird got up off the plate
and started dancin'

Then my girl ran off and I haven't seen her since
I'm sick of this spirit's stupid tricks
I wish I could make him go away
but until I move, he is here to stay
This House is Haunted and I want my money back

Now I have trouble sleeping at night
and my social life is dead
not unlike the poltergeist
who's been screwing with my head
I blame it all
on the guy who sold me this place
After I paid him in cash
he just laughed and drove away

At the time, he seemed like a real nice guy
His price was low and now I know why
I liked the location. It was close to Starbucks
Now I see dead people and it really sucks
This House is Haunted and I want my money back
This House is Haunted and I want my money back
Track Name: Not The End
According to you, we were always just friends
but what about the time that we held hands?
It was that one time back in November
Bet you didn't think that I would remember
Bet you didn't think that I would be able to see through your disguise
I know how you really feel. Don't try to tell me otherwise
The Jury will plainly see that the defendant has a poor grasp of the facts
you should just go ahead and accept the truth
Then both of us can relax


Chorus:
I'll beat you on a technicality
I'll find a loophole that'll make you see
what you really want, and that would be me
This is not the end, you really wanna be my girlfriend


And there was that time when I wanted to know
if you'd like to go out and see a show
In my question, I used the word, "date"
Your reply was, "That would be great!"
Your reply was an implied acknowledgement that our love was true
You can't go back and change that
there's nothing you can do
Your defense is completely full of holes, your every argument will be trumped
Now we can live our lives together happily
Aren't you glad I got this all cleared up?
Track Name: Answers
!retsnom gnikcuf uoy ,retsnom uoY !em morf yawa teG !em raen og uoy t'noD !yawa teg uoY
Track Name: Melodrama
Thinkin' about the things I miss
Never thought I'd see days like this
Everything is cold to the touch
Waitin' for an angel to be my crutch

I can't bear to go with the flow
My self esteem is at an all-time low
Feelings are hurt and I'm to blame
Now things can never be the same

I had dreams and I had plans
they fell apart right in my hands
I went ahead but the door was locked
Tried to go back, but the path was blocked
This has gone on for far too long
It'd be easier if I was strong

What the hell is wrong with me?
Why can't these demons just let me be?

I want to be a good friend to you
The harder I try, the worse I do
Track Name: Love Fix
You cannot stop yourself
This is bad for your health

The rush you feel in your head will make you come back
again and again and again
Every time you feel like you've arrived
in a warm place where you can stay
but you know you'll be colder than ever soon enough
soon enough

With summer on your thumb
you're the one with the hot pencil lead
Sick in bed, dead to the world
You're like a squirrel
whose phone is chilled to the bone
I can't tell you what to do with yourself
Sittin' on the shelf, staring at gloves is swell
like a hot Love Fix
Going to Hell in a bread basket
your casket squeals with mass appeal
Like an SAF, it is real

All the while he was happy but blind
Then his dreams were shattered by the "never mind"
"never mind," "never mind"

Someday, I'll leave it all behind
Someday, I'll once again be open wide
Someday, I won't mind these scars
Someday, I'll know who you are
Someday, we will get it right
Someday, together we'll take flight
We will take flight

You and I will make each other complete
These urges will no longer be obsolete
Track Name: Boss Battle
Banzai!
Banzai!

I'll blow your freakin' head off!
Banzai!

Banzai!

I'll blow your freakin' head off!
Banzai!
Banzai!
I'll blow your freakin' head off!
Track Name: The Material World
I hoped it was the end of our pain
I hoped I would see you again
in The Material World
In The Material World
In The Material World
Track Name: Ten Pounds of Love
She likes to wake up in the street
Her favorite kind of chips is Honey Barbeque Mesquite
You are the star of a TV show
And every time you see her, you would like to be her, 'cause everybody knows that...


Chorus:
like DSL, she's a gift from above
comin' straight down to you
complete with Ten Pounds of Love


I know that Everything Is Wrong
But then it's alright every time she sings that song
She fears the tolling of the bell
'cause a woodland sprite is gonna get uptight and send her straight to hell, 'cause...


Chorus
Track Name: Not The End (part II) [Remixed by Cex]
Change in your brain like a total eclipse
Uri Michelle Gellar, tell her, white and totally sick
Bend spines like spoons, like minds and shit
What's mine is mine, rind, skin, and pit
(Ben Stein likes spoons)
(Rod Stewart hit)

I'll beat you on a technicality
I'll find a loophole that'll make you see
what you really want, and that would be me
This is not the end, you really wanna be my girlfriend

Break you down
You will get married now
You must date
Mr. Aaron

Is nothing sacred?
Hey, I'm fucking tired and it's raining
Yeah, Welcome to the Jungle, baby
We're gonna die
You wanna do that song again? (Yeah)
Good idea
Aww... Yeah! Woo!
Woo-hoo!
Track Name: Melodrama (Melophobic Mix) [Remixed by Lemon Demon]
Thinkin' about the things I miss
Never thought I'd see days like this
Everything is cold to the touch
Waitin' for an angel to be my crutch

I can't bear to go with the flow
My self esteem is at an all-time low
Feelings are hurt and I'm to blame
Now things can never be the same

I had dreams and I had plans
they fell apart right in my hands
I went ahead but the door was locked
Tried to go back, but the path was blocked
This has gone on for far too long
It'd be easier if I was strong

What the hell is wrong with me?
Why can't these demons just let me be?

I want to be a good friend to you
The harder I try, the worse I do